Okay, so I'm sorta back. I don't know if I'm going to keep this journal or my blogspot one. Who knows. I don't know who knows about this journal. Whatever.

To make a really long story just a little long, I fucked up. Since the last time I updated in MAY, I fucked up. I cheated on my boyfriend basically the whole summer and we broke up in the middle of September. We didn't start talking again until November, because I reached out to him. I guess I thought I was invicible, and I wasn't. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but the thrill of it all was just so exhilarating and I figured I would stop and he would never found out. Well, he did find out and it wasn't pretty.

My dumb ass made the mistake of acting differently without even realizing it. See I failed to remember that my boo was not like any of my past boyfriends; he knows me better than I knew myself. So I guess he figured something was up so that weekend that he came to visit he tore through my room while I was picking up my sister from somewhere and read my journal. I know I was wrong, but I was thinking, I know this muthafuckin did NOT just invade my privacy! So when I got back, he let me have it. "Bitch" this, "slut" that, "whore," etc. And I cried, not so much that I was caught. But that I allowed myself to get caught up in that lifestyle and hurt somebody that I cared about and who deeply cared for me.

So he went home and we didn't speak for over a month. During that time, I still did not cease speaking to one of the dudes that I was involved with. That nigga had feelings for me and I'm like Oh lord.... But I told his ass from the beginning when I was still w/ my boyfriend that we weren't gonna be together like that and if he felt that we were getting too intense to let me know so I can back. I hate when they catch feelings, that shit pisses me off. Anyway, he wasn't a bad dude, he just got too attached to me and expected me to feel the same way. I mean, yeah, I liked him, he was a nice person, but I had no desire to date him. And I guess his hard-headed ass still wanted to be w/ me but whatever. So one day I had to break it down for his ass that I'm not over my ex and I still love him and everyday I think about what a fucked up person I am for doing this to him. And then he throws some shit talkin about he just wants me to be happy and maybe I should work it out w/ my ex. But little did he know, by this time I already started texting him and apologizing and bla bla etc, so I already had intentions of tryna work it out w/ him. So that was one of the last times me and this dude saw each other and then he calls me out the blue talking about why am I acting like a stranger and whatnot. And I told him that I could not be hangin out w/ him and talking to him anymore if I'm gonna work shit out w/ my ex because that would be disrespectful to him, and I'm not tryna slap him in the face again, you know? So he sounded all sad, bla bla and whatever. Sorry that I had to hurt somebody else's feelings but that's his damn fault for getting caught up.

So what's going on in my life right now? Me and the ex (my boo) are still tryna work things out. We're talking and he's come to visit me twice already and we still love each other very much, but he said there's still some things he has to get over before we starting officially dating again. And I completely understand, and as much as I wanna be w/ him now, I'ma give him all the time he needs.

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